A Smile Or Two

Poor Brigit

Bright means “exalted one”
So no wonder she sought fun
She solicited status from the highest master
But the consequence was a disaster

The job she acquired was aide to the president
She in no time at all was a White House resident
Troubles ensued with alarming rapidity
As she struggled to deal with her boss’s stupidity

The trouble from the first was that master’s behaviour
So she tried with compassion to act as his saviour
At every press conference when he told blatant lies
She said in her commentary ’twas code in disguise

In a pivotal speech he foretold a take-over
Poor Brigit endeavoured to create a makeover
He said he’d buy land and Green would be grand
She said we would name it Red White and Blue Land

That boss he was mean and blew his own trumpet
When she tried to advise him he called her a strumpet
She smiled in return with courageous zeal
He said, “That’s OK darling let’s do a deal”

But alas he continued with his foolish ways
Said, “I’ll help any country as long as it pays”
Many nations grew hostile and trouble was brewing
So poor Brigit resigned with disaster ensuing

Fools Rush In

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Alexander Pope

Hey there business man
How come you’re so wealthy
Mind your own dumb business
My methods are quite stealthy

My ways are my secret
I keep ‘em under cover
I don’t tell the taxman
Or even my lover

But I’ll tell you what I’ll do
Because I am quite fair
I’ll voice my coming venture
If you’ll buy a share

So come along my friend
Here is the prospectus
But it must stay our secret
So no rivals can bisect us

Now here is the plan
That we’ll carry out soon
We’ve organised construction
Of a garage on the moon

I know that this may seem
A deed of sheer depravity
But the source of all our wisdom
Is that orb’s lack of gravity

Everything will be so light
This sharply reduces the cost
And there are no dangerous roads
That perilously have to be crossed

And there’ll be no troublesome cars
At this early juncture
So you’ll even miss the boredom
Of having to mend a puncture

No roads, no cars so you may be puzzled
By our preterm energy burst
But cars and roads will be there one day
And our station will be the first

What’s more that venue is ideal
For atomic power to be placed
As no better site than the moon could be found
To dispose of nuclear waste

There is a move in the market
With preference shares all rising
So be quick and buy some
I am not eulogising

Come along Charlie in now for the kill
Or you’ll miss our lunar trick
And be regarded by the common herd
As a dawdling lunatic

Complex Simon

Complex Simon met a rich man
Going to a fair
Said Complex Simon to the rich man
What have you got there?
Said the rich man to Complex Simon
Show me first your money
Said Complex Simon to the rich man
My poverty isn’t funny
Complex Simon was a-wishing
He could be a winner
But the only hero he could find
Was that rowdy right-wing sinner
Complex Simon went to look
At his glamorous political party
They promised to improve his life
And make him hale and hearty
They told him lies that hypnotise
Not one of them came true
So now poor Complex Simon
Knows where the cuckoos flew

Five Limericks

I
That man had lived for many years
Troubled by countless fears
He voted right wing
Gave the neocons a fling
And now he can’t pay for his beers

II
There once was a famous believer
Who was a successful deceiver
He just couldn’t stop
Telling lies at the top
So he’s now our envoy in Geneva

III
Loud-mouthed Peter
Was a cheater
Who told the story
Of his counterfeit glory
So now he’s an ill-famed word-eater

IV
Once upon a time
A big wig did a crime
It brought him shame
Notorious fame
But the last true words here don’t rhyme

V
There once was a man named Perce
Who tried to write a verse
He failed to rhyme
Time after time
So he buried his verse in a hearse

It’s A Funny Thing That

That head of state was a fool
Who broke nearly every rule
He sought the votes of the farmers
Dressed in silk pyjamas
It’s a funny thing that
He told more lies
Than stars in the skies
So when truth pleased him
No one believed him
It’s a funny thing that
He had passion strong
For ideas that were wrong
If a bucket had s- -t in it
He’d be sure to put his foot in it
It’s a funny thing that
He dealt with Mexicans badly
And their leader begged him sadly
Her plea, “We pay mañana”*
Brought a tariff on every banana
It’s a funny thing that
His mistress and he had a fight
That lasted half the night
Until he did something shocking
Put a spider in her stocking
It’s a funny thing that
And so the years rolled by
As he gave forth many a sigh
Until he found his last job
Making lucre with a lawbreaking mob
It’s not a funny thing that

*Tomorrow

royciebaby