As I Wandered Through The Day


There you stand
Whip in hand
Bright colours catching the eye
White gloves
Black boots
Helmet for protection and subtle padding elsewhere …
Beneath the pizzazz that you wear
Lies subtle bravery
Not obvious as you stand there in the mounting yard
Looking casual and relaxed
Diminutive yet significant
For you will make decisions in the next short time
That will matter to the apostles of greed
With a touch of luck
Your reputation will improve
And that is a matter of vital importance
A constant link to your life’s emoluments…
Now you mount
With a little help
A lift of your left leg from a momentary friend
To begin a journey soon
Where fate is your constant companion
Your steed greets you
With a toss of the head and a lunge to the right
But you take control as the master
Is this Pegasus?*
The name is profoundly less well known
But he is all you have
And your duty begins and ends with him
So it’s off to the starting gate
Graciously in a gentle canter
To save energy for the race
And then into the starting stalls
With the help of attendants
Wearing helmets
And dressed conspicuously in advertisements
To make every post a winner…
Soon all are in
You can feel the passion
Smell the tension
As the starter reaches for his lever
Wait a minute not ready says a rival
You take a deep breath
You’ll be racing soon
Yes soon
Horses to the left of you horses to the right of you
Into the valley of death rides the one
Dirt flying, hits your protected eyes
The thunder of the hooves seems to need lightning,
So loud
That clumsy rival took your running
You nearly went down
But you’re still in that precarious saddle
Watch out for that railing
Don’t bump it
There’s an opening
Oh no!
Shut off!
A moving wall of tails and hoofs ahead of you
Take it easy
Not many behind you
A mile to go
This colt is already getting tired
Poor thing
On we go, engulfed in a horde of obedient, struggling creatures
And on
And further on
Now the home-straight
You’ll have to use the whip now
Yes but in vain
Flesh and blood are limited
You are riding an also ran
The winning post means nothing to you
There are so many obeisant successful chargers ahead of you
And very few behind
For every victory there must be losers
No room for tears
You are paid for this deed you have completed
Whether you are first or last
Winning is more profitable
But on losing you will still eat
Despite the fear and pain of the struggle…
The race is over
You rise in the saddle and gently ease your momentum
Slowly you lessen the speed
From gallop to canter to walk
Sweat on that neck meets your gaze
You feel pity for the horse
And gently stroke its mane
Then you turn him
And it’s back to the paddock
You dismount
Saddle off now
You tread on a mall of useless betting tickets
On your way back to the dressing room
Next a shower, as your work day is over
You need a rest
Better hasten home
For tomorrow it’s track-work at dawn

*Pegasus is the famous winged horse of mythology.

The Times They Are A Changin’

The lamplighter no longer lights the lamps
But do the last lamplighters
In dumb show light them to keep their jobs?
Switchboard operators now have nothing left to do
But do those last dear women in our times
Wearing headphones, play with toy phones to keep their jobs?
The chimney sweep no longer delves in soot
But does the last one
Camouflage redundant chimneys to keep his job?
The soda jerk is these days out of work
But does the last jerk
Shake milkshakes extraneously in a final effort to keep his job?
The powder monkey no longer loads cannons with death
But does the last boy seek charity from a jingoist to keep his job?
The milkman no longer comes to our door
But does the last one
Confront a supermarket crying: “Milk-O” to keep his job?
The ice cutter no longer cuts the ice
But does the last one
Offer to break the ice with hermits to keep his job?
The leech collector no longer serves our doctors
But does the last one
Sit in a swamp desperately counting parasites to keep his job?
The elevator operator no longer tells you which floor you are on
But does the last one
Seek to count sheep for insomniacs to keep his job?
The earth no longer survives the heat of man
But does the last coal miner
Work for the monkey
Whose business will destroy the world, to keep his job?

We Just Want The Facts Ma’am

Let the people know the facts, and the country will be safe. Abraham Lincoln

Look at them
The gods of power
Deliberating behind closed doors
In an effort to reach a conclusion suitable for public gaze
To appear united with a mission to help mankind
But O the secrecy!
Duplicitous cunning, furtiveness, surreptitious fostering of deceit
Zeus* may not be pleased to learn of their self-centered plans
So mum’s the word
Pretend there us unity of purpose in everything you do
And silence the dissidents with threats of Hades
That’s it then
Suitable announcements have been prepared
Ready for Stentor** to speak magisterially
Thus the truth dies
If the recusants are not discovered
Storm and flood and fire and famine will descend upon the earth
To hide them, thus they mind their words
Guard the truth with the dexterity of Prometheus***
And it shall follow as morning the night
No soul will discover our perilous plight

*Zeus deposed his Father Cronus. He then drew lots with his brothers Poseidon and Hades. Zeus won the draw and became the supreme ruler of the gods.

**In Greek mythology, Stentor was a herald during the Trojan War. His voice was loud.

***In Greek mythology, Prometheus was a Titan, the supreme trickster, and a god of fire.

There’s No Place Like Home

There’s no place like home
Be it ever so humble
Ah but the price will be too much
See how money now flows to the endlessly rich estate sellers
They live by the hammer
And triumph when someone can buy a dream
But for Ernest Maverick
The dream is a nightmare
Retrenched by age when he was still quite young
Forced to sell
Could not pay the mortgage
Lives now on welfare
Alone and divorced
Children now of age
And away busy with worldly affairs…
For him
Rent is a bondage to ruthless vendors
Whose undue power
Controls your very existence
Your own garden now
Is an elusive, intangible fantasy
As is a free standing residence à la maison de Monsieur Toad*
Phooey to worldliness!
Even a Big Mac delivered these days
Tests his finances
So how could he buy a dwelling place?
Yet life goes on, doesn’t it?
The alternative remains forbidden
But to some only just…
Ay, there’s the rub
Hamlet would probably understand Maverick’s troubles
But Chen Wang
Billionaire investor from Hong Kong
Would be his only model left for the purchase a home

*Like Mister Toad’s house

The Wizard of AUS Speaks

We have a plan
And we’ll approach it
In a considered and responsible way

Transparency will continue
You can see through our plans

We have a plan
We’ll be ruined if we don’t and be ruined if we do

100% supported by our government
Transparency will continue
You can see through our plans

Thus floods will still flow
Fires will still burn
Tempests will still rage
Grass will still die
Oceans will still sweep away our houses

Transparency will continue
You can see through our plans

All will be well
In our best of all possible worlds
We will apply technology
Yet to be invented
Thus emissions will come down through choice
63,000 new jobs in mining and industry

We have a plan
100% supported by our government
Transparency will continue
You can see through our plans

Thus floods will still flow
Fires will still burn
Tempests will still rage
Grass will still die
Oceans will still sweep away our houses

We have a plan
100% supported by our government
Millions in investment in steel and aluminium
Explosive growth in technology


Transparency will continue
You can see through our plans

Thus floods will still flow
Fires will still burn
Tempests will still rage
Grass will still die
Oceans will still sweep away our houses

So let it be.

Truly yours,

Colonel Wimp

Advocate of Unintended Stupidity


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